Talking to kids about strangers online, without scaring them
Age-appropriate ways to explain online strangers, tricky people and private chats, so your child knows what to do without being frightened.
- Teach about "tricky people" and behaviours, not just strangers: secrets, gifts and private chats.
- Use calm, matter-of-fact language and short, repeated conversations.
- End every talk with: you can always tell me, and you won't be in trouble for telling.
"Don't talk to strangers" isn't quite enough online, where children talk to people they don't know every time they play a game. And many people who harm children aren't strangers at all. It's more useful to teach children about tricky behaviour: things a safe person wouldn't do.
The key messages
- People online aren't always who they say they are. A "12-year-old" might be an adult.
- Safe people don't ask you to keep secrets from your parents.
- Watch out for tricky behaviour (listed below).
- If anything feels wrong, stop and tell a grown-up.
- You will never be in trouble for telling, even if you broke a rule to get there.
Tricky behaviour means anyone who:
- Asks to move to a private chat or another app
- Asks for photos or videos of you
- Asks where you live, go to school, or when you're alone
- Offers gifts like load, diamonds or Robux
- Makes you feel uncomfortable, or says things about bodies
- Wants to meet in person
Ages 5 to 8
Keep it short and simple, and repeat it often.
"Some people online pretend to be kids but they're really grown-ups. If anyone online asks you to keep a secret, sends you pictures, or asks for a picture of you, come and tell me straight away. You won't be in trouble."
Practise with "what would you do if" questions:
- "What if someone in your game says they'll give you Robux if you add them on another app?"
- "What if someone says 'don't tell your mom'?"
Ages 9 to 12
Explain a bit more about why: "Some adults try to trick kids into trusting them so they can hurt them. They're often really nice at first."
Talk about specific situations in the games and apps your child uses. Ask them to show you how friend requests and chat work. Agree on a rule: online friends stay in the game; no private chats with people you haven't met in real life.
Teens
Be direct. Teens can handle real information, and they need it.
- Explain grooming and sextortion, and how fast they can happen. See sextortion.
- Talk about online relationships: "If someone you've never met says they love you and asks for photos, that's a red flag."
- Discuss pressure and consent.
- Agree that if anything goes wrong, they'll come to you, and you'll help first and ask questions later.
How to keep the conversation going
- Use everyday moments: a news story, a scene in a show, a game they're playing.
- Ask, don't lecture: "Has anyone ever messaged you that you didn't know?" "What would your friends do?"
- Keep it calm. If you look panicked, children learn to hide things.
- Make it ongoing. Short, repeated talks work better than one big one.
If your child tells you something
Thank them. Stay calm. Listen fully before asking questions. Then follow the steps in online grooming warning signs.
eGuard sets up screen time, bedtime and app rules on your child's phone and checks that each one is really on. Free for one child.