How to talk with your kids about their online life

The single most protective thing a parent can do for a child online is keep talking. Children who feel they can tell their parents about problems online are much safer than children who don't, whatever settings are in place.

When to talk

• In the car, on the jeepney, while walking: side-by-side talks feel less intense.
• While cooking or doing chores together.
• When they're already on a device: "What are you playing? Show me."
• At bedtime, when younger children often open up.
• After news or a show that raises an issue.

Short and frequent beats long and rare.

Start with what they enjoy

If every conversation about the internet is about danger, children stop listening. Start with interest:

• "What's the best thing you saw online today?"
• "Who's your favourite YouTuber? Why?"
• "Can you teach me how to play this?"
• "What's the funniest video going around at school?"

Conversation starters by age

Ages 5 to 8

• "What's your favourite game? What do you do in it?"
• "Has anything on the tablet ever made you feel scared or yucky?"
• "What would you do if someone in a game asked you to keep a secret?"

Ages 9 to 12

• "Which apps do your friends use?"
• "Has anyone you don't know ever messaged you?"
• "Have you seen anything online that made you uncomfortable?"
• "What would you do if someone was being mean in the group chat?"

Teens

• "What's the group chat talking about lately?"
• "Do you ever feel like you spend too much time on your phone?"
• "Have you ever seen someone get scammed or catfished?"
• "What do you think about how people act on TikTok?"
• "Is there anything online that's stressing you out?"

When they tell you something worrying

This is the moment that matters most.

1. Stay calm. Even if you're shocked, keep your face and voice steady.
2. Thank them: "I'm really glad you told me."
3. Listen fully before asking questions or giving advice.
4. Don't blame: "This isn't your fault."
5. Don't take the phone away as an automatic reaction.
6. Make a plan together.

If you overreact, they learn not to tell you. If you stay calm, they learn they can come to you.

The promise

Say it often: "If anything online ever makes you scared, uncomfortable or confused, you can tell me. I won't be angry with you for telling me, and I won't automatically take your phone."

Then keep that promise.

Use a language that feels natural

Talk in whatever language your family uses at home, whether English, Tagalog, Taglish, Bisaya or another. Children open up more in the language they're most comfortable in.

If they won't talk

Teens especially may shrug you off. Keep the door open: "Okay. I'm here if you want to talk." Share your own experiences and mistakes. Ask about friends rather than them: "Do your friends ever deal with that?" Sometimes children tell you about "a friend" when they mean themselves.